Time Flies

During Andrew's stay in the NICU, every day seemed like the longest day of our lives. Between a full day of work, constant calls to the nurses, an afternoon visit, driving to/from the hospital, pumping for milk, and continual anxiety about his status, time seemed to stretch. It definitely felt like a long five months.

Now that it's over, however, the experience seems to be compressed in my memory. While people were here for Thanksgiving, I found myself telling stories or referring to events that took place "a month or two ago." When I went back and thought harder about those particular events, I realized that they all took place before Andrew was born, without exception. It's as if the entire five months has condensed into a month in my mind. I suppose this phenomenon came about because our normal lives were on pause while dealing with this ordeal; it's as if someone just hit the "Play" button again.

I don't know how this will feel as we move forward. One one hand, I feel like we've lost time and need to catch up with our lives. On the other, I wouldn't give up the memory of a single day spent with Andrew. I worry about what would have happened if he had made it and we had gone through the entire process of getting out of the hospital and dealing with longer-term issues; I fear that we would've lost years of our lives, and lost some of ourselves in the process. As it is, I feel like we got to spend some wonderful time with Andrew, but didn't lose our personalities in the process. Our lives have been enriched, rather than devastated.