Closure

We went in to the NICU this morning, spent some quality time with Andrew, and spoke with the doctors one last time. We discussed his CT results and his general prognosis, and we made sure everyone was on the same page....we and all of the doctors were in complete agreement that he had a minute chance of long-term survival, especially in a manner free from severe developmental deficits. We discussed how the day would progress, then spent some more time with Andrew. D held him, we took some more pictures, and we got another set of footprints on a keepsake ceramic tile. All of Andrew's favorite nurses happened to be working, so they stopped by his room and said their goodbyes throughout the day; they will really miss him, and it was a wonderful reminder of how much Andrew has touched the lives of everyone around him.

After Andrew fell asleep, they started a morphine drip to keep him comfortable; he's such a bruiser that they had to turn it up a few times before he even felt it. We sat next to his bed and held his hands until he was sleeping so soundly that he wasn't taking extra breaths above the ones the ventilator was giving him. We then moved him to my lap, added another sedative to guarantee complete comfort, and removed his ventilator tube. It was the first we've seen his beautiful upper lip in a long time (it looks just like mine), and we were able to say goodbye and kiss his little mouth. He was completely peaceful snuggled in my arms, and he slowly drifted away. At 7:03pm, the doctor confirmed that he was gone.

Of course this ordeal was not what anyone was expecting during our pregnancy. We've been heartbroken throughout the last five months, and we were devastated when we realized he wasn't going to recover as we had hoped. However, given the eventual outcome, we're confident that today went as well as it possibly could. We had a wonderful time with him the last few days, and were able to bid him farewell and obtain some measure of closure. He fought long and hard, and he was a brave little boy; today we simply allowed him to stop fighting.

Andrew Christopher Ryan
June 15, 2007 - November 19, 2007